Ayman and Ammar

I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with Ayman. I knew from the first moment I knew my baby is a boy, that his name would be Ayman. I remember reading the newspaper and reading about Dr Ayman from the Al-Qaeda... and noting the spelling of his name and I knew that my baby's name would be Ayman with a Y. The name was suppose to be Mikhail Ayman, but somehow or rather the name got changed to Malique.

For Ammar, it was different. Throughout my pregnancy, I really didnt know what to call him... up till the moment when I gave birth to him, and saw him for the first time, then his name came to me. I knew the moment my eyes set on him, that his name is Ammar...

L.O.V.E.

Love. Life. Laughter.

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you can adore

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you can adore

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you

Ayman and Ammar

Called to speak to Ayman and Ammar. Sigh... Ayman is 6. I missed his 6th birthday... am I that much of a workaholic? I can't leave for Penang anyways, cause I'm doing my DPA course. It sucks big time that I'll be missing both Ayman and Ammar's birthday.

Parenting is hard. I hate the part where I miss much of their life. Is it because of this choice I made? Somehow or rather, I can't answer this question. At times I feel that I may be a workaholic, but at other times, I think back about Daddy and his dedication towards his work and I feel justified. The reason for all this is for my kids. I want to be able to give them something better... but if I'm not around them much, then what kind of a mother am I?

I guess this is another of those feeling pity and down for myself moments again. I wanna go do my assignment.

I just miss the kids too much...

Sigh...

He said sorry

I said why?

He said forgive me

I asked again why?

He said it's forever

I said forever doesn't exist

Only thing that exist, is always rather than forever...

New Resolution

In a few days time, I'd be off. For my DPA. That's a scary thought. I kinda look forward to it - like a trip to the dentist when you have toothache. LOL you know you have to go and yet there's this fear, of the unexpected - or rather the fact that I HAVE not been exercising, nor have I done anything at all to prepare myself.

Friends and colleagues told me, "Be prepared - mentally and PHYSICALLY".. of course the physical part just went whizzing beyond me. :D God, I think I hit the gym once and ran my ass off the treadmill - trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I can still run and I can take the heat. I sincerely thought that it would be horrific, but I guess it wasn't as bad as I imagined. I imagined screaming thighs wanting to detach itself from my body and get brand new legs to replace the worn out parts, but the only thing I had issue with was the fact that I was sweating like a pig. Hahahaha... I truly felt like a water bottle being shaken out - and all aspects of liquid forming out from my epidermis and getting soaked by my t-shirt and trackbottom. Ok too graphic and ewwness seeping in here *ughh!!

Anyway, after a long hiatus of silence, I think I am ready to start blogging again. More for myself and letting it out. It's been ages since I last properly wrote (ok i bitched about the same thing on my other blog) but anyhoo (woooooooo) I'll try and keep this up. More to record my thoughts and opinions about my physical health, mental stability and other related psychological development during my DPA.

And of yeah, another resolution - try and STOP sighing all the time - and lift your ass and start moving. To quote Plato, "life must be lived as play". I guess all the world's a stage and the men and women are merely players. So, lookout world, here I come... I want that Oscar!